Manic. Alienated. Blah.

I think I'm manic, maybe bipolar. Sometimes I'm feeling fine and life is good and other times, no matter how absolutely fine things are, I feel so...blah. I think I don't have enough real friends here. I'm on a amateur sport team here but haven't been able to really connect to anyone on the team. Lots of friends, but no real friends on the team. I think its me. It could be because my teammates are in their mid to late twenties and most don't have a college education. One is a college grad, that I'm aware of, but she is a pothead. I am not. Another went to law school but failed the bar a few years ago and has yet to retake it so its just awkward. I can't seem to connect with anyone on the team. Maybe I'm being a snob, not really sure. I work with one of my teammates, we are fairly close and she is someone I would call a friend but....dunno...something...
I worked over the weekend and J is working tonight so maybe that is why I'm feeling...lonely(?) sad(?) depressed (?) I don't make plans to meet up for drinks or whatever, so maybe it is me. I sometimes feel like I'm imposing on others when I say "Hey, lets get drinks after work." But then most of the time, I just want to go home and veg. I probably need to be on medication and/or see a therapist. I feel like this is how someone in high school or college would feel. I'm in my early/almost mid thirties. Blah. Midlife crisis? Geez, I really hope not. Cuz I am engaged to a wonderful man and we are planning on having a family. I'd like to think that isn't b/c I'm going through a midlife crisis. Whatev. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another day. I'll probably read this later and think WTF?